That's When I Knew That I Could Never Have You
by LinksWassup
Summary: Sometimes, the good guy still loses. And, in the end, he wonders how much of his life he's wasted on fantasy.   Future!fic in which Sam meets up with Kurt in New York.


He's just a small town kid. Always has been. He moved from his farm in Tennessee, to Ohio, and then to a small town in Massachusetts. He's definitely not one for big cities with their bright lights and constant noises and tourist traps. He's definitely having second thoughts about being in this city, about being in New York City, of all places. He hitches a thumb into the back pocket of his farmer's jeans, knowing he looks out of place in his flannel shirt and work boots.

He takes the printed sheet out the pocket of his shirt and briefly glances at it. He didn't really need to print it. He's been repeating the address over and over for weeks, like a mantra, determined to memorize it. But, when it came to actually finding the address on a map, and looking up at the street signs, Sam was lost. New York was huge and he needed help, but he was definitely not ready to stop and ask directions from a Cop or a local. His dyslexia would make him look like a fool, and he taught himself years ago that he was stronger than that.

He recalls every detail about the apartment, every small fact that Kurt has ever told him. They settled on that apartment because it allowed them pets, and he really wanted a Persian Cat. He proceeded to buy one and name her Marie. Blaine and Kurt had argued over what color to paint the walls (Kurt, a simple deep red, while Blaine wanted black with horizontal stripes, Kurt won of course). Their first couch was a hand-me-down from Blaine's parents and clashed horribly with the décor of the rest of the room, but Kurt held his tongue.

Sam Evans can recall every detail Kurt had emailed him about his life in New York, every detail about Kurt's final year of McKinley. Sam was crushed when his father announced their move, but insisted on swapping email addresses with Kurt before the move. At first, there was a bit of awkwardness between them, both wondering who should email the other first. Sam finally cracked, a week after moving, telling Kurt everything about the move, about the long car ride stuck between his siblings, about finally getting a bed to himself, about how much he would miss him. Ever since the initial exchange, a day had not gone by that the two would not email each other.

Now, at 21, Sam had mustered the courage to ask Kurt if he could visit. And here he was, in mid-august, standing outside in the heat, wondering where in the hell Kurt's apartment could be.

After much deliberation, Sam finally waved down a taxi and forked over the money (the money! Ever since that year of living in the motel, Sam had learned to be more frugal, and paying a taxi to take him somewhere he could easily walk irked him).

Sam soon found himself standing outside of Kurt's apartment building, looking up nervously. What was he doing here? Why did he think this was a good idea?

Sam continued to mentally berate himself as he trudged up to the 6th floor (always take the stairs, he felt a little weird whenever he saw able-bodied people take elevators), and soon he was outside of the room itself.

He was shaking now, no shame in admitting it. Sam Evan was shaking, and as he reached up to knock on the door, he took a deep breath and held it.

He's let in by a grinning Kurt Hummel. And oh god, Sam can't stop smiling. He looks so much more mature, but his face still reminds Sam of a prettier Legolas. And his eyes, Sam keeps smiling and Kurt is talking and grinning and Oh god Sam can't remember the last time he's smiled this much.

Kurt pulls Sam into a hug and whispers into his chest, "I've missed you, Sammy Skywalker..."

And then Blaine walks over, jutting his hand out for a shake. Sam shakes his hand and looks the man up and down, noting that he looks exactly the same. Except…was he balding?

Kurt and Sam share memories and stories, things that couldn't be told through email. Sam has never felt this happy. He's smiling and laughing and listening to stories of the old Glee club.

Blaine lets out a cough, and suddenly Sam is brought back to reality. He looks around the apartment and realizes he doesn't belong here. Two coffee mugs on the counter, two sets of keys on the key hook, pictures of Blaine and Kurt on the mantle. And, Sam realizes he needs to get out of there. He needs to leave.

"I have to do my nightly rituals before I go to bed Kurt, you know I have an early appointment tomorrow," Blaine states blankly, eyeing Sam.

Kurt grab's a set of keys off of the hook, and takes Sam's hand, "I'll be back soon Blaine, we're just going to go somewhere to continue this." He leans into a passionate kiss from Blaine and Sam looks away, all he can see is red.

Kurt leads Sam to Central Park, smiling the whole way, pointing out various shops and restaurants that he and Blaine frequent. When they arrive, he motions to a bench farthest away from the crowds of tourists.

"I always sit here when I need time alone…to think," Kurt shares briefly , as the two sit in silence, staring at the sunset, and people watching.

"Sam?" Kurt asks suddenly, breaking the uneasy silence, "Do…do you ever wonder what could have happened between us?"

Sam gets quiet and looks Kurt straight in the eye, "All the time…"

He leans forward and plants a soft kiss on Kurt's lips, finally feeling what he's dreamed of all these years. They're just as soft and as perfect as he'd imagined. Sam started to lean in for another kiss when a hand came between them.

Kurt's hand pressing against Sam's chest. "I can't Sam….I love Blaine. I'm in love with Blaine. I'm sorry."

A small sad smile spread across Kurt's lips. "Go home Sam."

As Kurt walked away, leaving Sam in Central Park, surrounded by hundreds of people, Sam never felt more alone.

_And this is the last time__  
><em>_We'll be friends again__  
><em>_And I'll get over you__  
><em>_And you'll wonder who I am__  
><em>_And there's this burning,__  
><em>_Just like there's always been__  
><em>_I've never been so alone_


End file.
